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So lately, I've been watching a lot of virtual Youtubers (though only on Twitch, really), and I've been streaming as one myself. I've been watching this guy named Kongou a lot, who is an immortal ninja who plays video games and also does a lot of lectures/call-ins/back-and-forthing with his audience. He's very dedicated and academic in his approach to entertainment, comedy and art.

I'm trying not to fall into the Parasocial Trap of thinking an internet personality is my friend, per se (we have a few mutual friends and have had some good offscreen interactions, though--and it's not like I don't want to be his friend!), but his lectures have been very helpful for me and I get a bloom of pride when he says something like he's very pleased to hear that I'm trying to be more deliberate as a vtuber.

He's also really big into physical health and exercise, and I need to take better care of myself, so I'm going to let this admiration guide and help me too. I feel a little silly for being so into him in a fannish way, but if it increases my quality of life, that's good, right?

Anyway, actually talking about the act of vtubing here... Like I mentioned earlier, I'm trying to be more deliberate in the act of playing a character. At first I was just like "maybe I'll have more fun with streaming if I play as someone who isn't necessarily me," without thinking much about it, but now I want to really perform and have fun with the situation itself. In particular, I'm gonna spend today drawing some fun outfits for my vtuber and make her feel special, you know?

Somewhat related...my vtuber is a girl, but I'm not a girl myself. It makes it kind of weird when I talk about "myself" when I'm her, since there's not a clear barrier of separation, maybe? But I think I'm using her to explore the space of femininity in a way that feels fun and more comfortable for me. I just want to wear frilly skirts and be cute sometimes!